The Carrot Family (Explicit) – An Off Color Comedy

Be aware, some people may find this piece of comedy offensive, vulgar, or inappropriate. I’m trying comedy poetry, comedy writing, and it was suggested I explore this. It’s probably not good, but I’m trying. This content contains sexual and metaphorical content, that may be inappropriate for some audiences, or you might find offensive. Read with caution.


Everyone knew who the carrot brothers were. They were known all around town and specifically within garden heights, on the south side of Carrotville. Everything sticks out, long streets, and big everything. The Carrot brothers had the roots down in Carrotville about two hundred years ago; their ancestors set up the city as a village.

The Carrot family, more so the Carrot brothers, were known for their “carroting around.” Carroting around with other veggies. They liked mixing fruits and veggies, specifically in garden heights. In garden heights, where everything grows and happens. Seeds created, life exacerbated, and even things mounted. The Carrot brothers got their roots around, also mixing it in with the banana family. The banana family was known for its long heritage and even the fresh smell they always gave off in Carrotville.

Typically, the Carrott brothers and their family, mixed in with the Banana family, there was a mix of the Apple and Orange family. The Carrots always had the biggest and best fish to fry, and they loved the smell of the fish. They ate the fish up, even though at times, there was enough fish to move. They had to go to other fish fries, other towns in general, to find the bass and tuna they were seeking.

When the Carrot brothers would go to garden heights, there were a lot of seeds to grow. The one veggie they liked to cook was the tomato. Juicy, yummy, somewhat sour and tangy, even moist, they were able to be the Carrots they always wanted to be. The tomatoes were generally open to new experiences; garden heights provided such. Vegetables were typically free a lot, didn’t need a lot of sunlight but loved the water. They loved pool all of their surface because it kept them fresh, clean, and they did, at times, like being sticky.

However, the Carrot brothers were known for their floundering and sprouting around; many of them never were able to produce Carrots themselves. Why? They had a herbsectomy. Meaning they got their tip yacked. Saying they lacked producing more vegetables, but for them, they didn’t care. They did it on purpose because, for them, intent didn’t matter; it was all the veggies in Garden Heights that mattered.

It’s believed that the Carrot brothers knew over ten thousand vegetables in Garden Heights, nearly five percent of the population in Carrotville. Their goal was to conquer Garden Heights and every plant that developed, grew, and they seeded there. After all, it was the home of Carrotville. The Carrot family’s roots were in garden heights, many vegetables within the city, mainly tomatoes, were in touch with them. The mingling, fingering, and planting done was incredibly astonishing. Three-point one percent of the population of Carrotville is of the Carrot family surname.

Overall, people don’t know this story, but due to ingrowing, the Carrots are not Orange; they are tan. Long, tan, and thick, they grew and fit in almost anything planted. I think history will show that the Carrot family had the sprouts. Built Carrots, enjoying helping others grow, create new lines, and eat up vines. Whether they were moist tomatoes, their own Carrot family, were the veggies of the town. You never know, maybe someday you’ll enjoy the Carrot brothers, they’ll show you how to grow and plant you in the ground. Plant you so deep; the seed will cease to grow.

Published by Tyler J. Fahey

I'm a college student, majoring in politics, history, and international studies. I'm also a journalist and have been published in various news platforms. The San Francisco Chronicle, Wisconsin State Journal, The Gazette in Cedar Rapids, Des Moines Register, and Thrive Global. Also, my school paper. I'm interested in life, nature, death, fate and fortune, in this universe. Through various subjects and means of living. Thank you for reading my blog. Here is my Twitter page:

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